A word to the guys: using anal sex toys won’t ‘turn you gay’

Yes, I’ve said it many times before. Yes, sexual educators have been shouting it for years. Yes, apparently it needs saying again. No, I don’t understand why the message isn’t being understood either.
There are still straight men, whether single or in their heterosexual relationships, who believe that the use of anal sex toys will either mean that they ‘are gay’ or that butt plugs will somehow ‘turn’ them gay.

Pride in Individuality
Now, there is nothing wrong with being gay. Or bisexual. Or queer, asexual, genderfluid, trans or any other variant of sexuality and gender orientations and self-identification. There’s nothing wrong with being straight. Some people are, you know. So firstly, let’s get over any notion of hetero superiority or heteronormativity because it’s just not the way it is. We’re all people, all unique individuals, so just concern yourself with your own life, gender, sexuality and let’s get on peacefully and happily together. 

Next, I want to talk to those guys who are straight, know they’re straight, nothing in the world is going to change that fact. Right? Just read that again. Nothing in the world is going to change that fact. You’re straight. End of. So why would using anal sex toys threaten or change your sexuality in any way? That’s the point: it doesn’t.

Sex toys are made for bodies, not sexualities
I know that everyone reading this has an arse. Butt, bum, ass, rear, anal space, peachy behind, the gluteus maximus, your cherry-like derriere. Whatever you call it, you’ve all got one. Yep, even you there right at the back. 

Sex toys are made to fill, stimulate and pleasure anatomical parts and nerve endings. Sex toys are not made for genders or sexualities. Sex toys do not care if you identify as a man, woman or other; they don’t care if you’re straight, bi, gay or not quite sure yet.

If you have a vagina, you can use a vaginal dildo or vibrator. Clitoris-owner? Try a bullet vibrator, a magic wand or other clitoral toy. Look down your top. See nipples? Hey, you can use nipple clamps or nipple suckers. Packing your own cock and balls in your pants? How about trying a masturbation sleeve, or cock rings for your own pleasure or shared with a sex partner. If you’re kink-inclined, you might even try a chastity device or other cock cage.

Now we reach the butt. As I said before, we all have one, right? Quick check. Right. Good news: that means you can use anal sex toys!

Do anal sex toys really feel that good?
If you give anal sex toys a try you could very well be one of those anal stimulation lovers worldwide who love nothing more than the unique sensations that a static or vibrating butt plug provide. For example, I love using anal sex toys and so does my (male) partner – but I have to be in the right mood. Nothing against anal stim, I would have to be in the right mood to use a rabbit vibrator, or to have penis-in-vagina sex, or to take part in a kinky roleplay scene.

So the short answer is, yes, anal sex toys really do feel that good if you’re one of those people who responds to that stimulation and when you’re in the right mood for it.
As many people (including myself) can orgasm simply from internal anal stimulation, isn’t it worth at least trying it out to see if it’s something you enjoy? You could be missing out on a whole new world of erotic pleasure.

I’m worried about sticking stuff up my bum. Any tips?
One major piece of advice that you need to remember for anything anal sex or anal sex toys: use lube. There are even specific anal lubricants available which are thicker, stay where they’re put and last longer. The anal area doesn’t produce its own natural lubrication like the vagina does, so it’s vital that you use lubricant with your anal sex toys to avoid nasty rips and tears to the thin lining of your anal area.

Only put toys in your bottom which are designed to go in there. That means, you need to make sure it has a flared base. Unlike the vagina which has the safety of the cervix, the anal area leads up directly inside yourself and the natural reaction of your body to inserting something is to pull it upwards into the body. That means no bullet vibrators, no standard cylindrical vibrators or dildos and nothing which could be ‘swallowed’ by your bottom. You don’t want to make that trip to casualty, believe me! Stick with specific anal toys, butt plugs, anal probes and prostate massagers designed for the job.

Make sure you have the right size tool for the job. Forget the ego, start small and you’re your way up if necessary. If you’re new to anal stimulation, it’s advisable to start smaller than you think you’ll be able to manage – you can always upgrade if it’s a little too small for you. Working up to a larger size is much easier once you’re accustomed to inserting a toy into your bottom. It’s also a lot easier to insert an anal sex toy if you’re aroused in other ways at the same time, both mentally in the right frame of mind as well as physically, perhaps with manual stimulation of your penis or with the help of a partner.

Take care how you position yourself when inserting an anal sex toy. Don’t sit down heavily on to an anal sex toy when you won’t be able to control the speed at which it will penetrate you or your own weight on top of it. The easiest and safest position to insert anal sex toys is to squat down, your feet flat on the floor, and use your hands to insert. When you’re more experienced with anal sex toys you can move to lying on the bed and inserting butt plugs and prostate massagers.

If something hurts – stop doing it. There will be some stretching and perhaps mild discomfort as your body accommodates the sex toy, but if it’s hurting you then something isn’t right. Again, leave ego at the door, use plenty of lube and take it slowly with a sex toy that’s small enough to handle (but with a flared base for safety). Another tip: don’t use anal desensitising gels, lubes or creams. These could stop you from perceiving the warning signs that you’re about to tear some flesh or overstretch yourself. You want to be completely aware of your comfort levels at all times.

Look at the material the anal sex toy is made from. Porous types such as jelly and some real-feel materials can allow bacteria to enter the material and are difficult (if not impossible) to keep completely hygienically clean. Non-porous materials are much safer, as water, dirt and bacteria cannot penetrate these materials. These include silicone, metal, glass, stone and other rigid types of materials. Silicone is your best flexible friend when it comes to comfortable, body-safe anal sex toys.

Talking of hygiene, make sure you clean your sex toys thoroughly between uses. Do this as quickly as possible after use. Clean the worst off in warm soapy water (and a spare nail brush kept for this purpose if you like) then spritz with an anti-bacterial sex toy cleaner spray and leave to dry naturally.

A simple way to make cleaning your anal sex toys even easier is to slip a condom over them before use. You’ll still need to wash and spray them with anti-bac just in case – but it’s so much easier to remove the worst of any bodily residue by peeling off a condom and disposing of it first. Using condoms on anal sex toys can also help prevent any nasty smells lingering in the material.
The Boy Butt Bonus

Yes - you get a pleasure bonus, guys! Level up. Located inside the man’s anal area is a little something called the prostate. You may have heard of it through men’s health check information, articles and TV shows. Did you know that the prostate can also give you an incredible full body orgasm? Stimulation of this walnut shaped gland behind the upper wall deep inside the anal area is something that many men find deliciously addictive. There are many different sizes and styles of prostate massagers (vibrating and non-vibrating) designed for this very purpose. As if that wasn’t enough, regular stimulation of the prostate can help to keep it in tip-top healthy condition.

What are the best anal sex toys for a beginner?
So where do you start? The vast selection of anal sex toys and accessories can be overwhelming, I know. Here’s my suggested anal tools for first-timers:

Lube: As we’ve already discussed above, you’re going to need some good lubricant when trying anything anal. Don’t risk pain and rips; get yourself some of this anal lubricant before you begin.

Finger: This one’s completely free! You can use your anal lubricant and stimulate yourself anally to see how it feels, or ask your partner to help. If it all feels a bit icky, why not dress it up as medical fetish roleplay, don a pair of latex gloves and enjoy lubing them up before a thorough probing?

Douche: If you’re a bit shy about your back door, it can be reassuring to know that you’re completely clean back there. Get yourself an anal douche and use it before a solo or shared anal play session.

Very first anal sex toy: Start slim. Not necessarily short; girth is the deciding factor here. Some good ideas for a first anal sex toy are anal beads (as they start with a very small bead but graduate through larger sizes) or a first timer butt plug which is slender but completely safe to use. There are also graduated kits that include a first timer butt plug and a couple of sizes up to help you get used to larger toys.

Your first prostate massager: Make the most of your boy butt bonus and try massaging your prostate for some sheet-clenching pleasure and full-body orgasms. It may take a bit of experimentation to get it in the right place, and to rock it so it’s stimulating the prostate gland just right for you, but once you manage it you won’t look back. Choose the best prostate massager for you.

I hope this article has helped to open your mind to the adventures anal play has to offer. There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to anal play. With so many different varieties of anal sex toys on offer, and the potential for some mind-blowing orgasms using the right tools, why risk missing out? Step up, be confident, give it a go.
Anal sex toys can be fun for everyone!

- Cara Sutra